spectral-influx

I'm going to go wank to my tickets now.

[19:15:19] beachbumgirl: hey there
[20:17:34] Me: Uh
[20:17:48] beachbumgirl: hiii 23/f here, sorry if l bothered you i was just reaIly bored wannna chat?
[20:18:25] Me: Well, sure.  How much do you know about corpse disposal?
[20:18:45] beachbumgirl: nice i was so lonely it's nice to have someone to talk with so whats up??
[20:18:57] Me: Corpse disposal.
[20:19:07] Me: I have an extra shovel, are you in?
[20:19:30] beachbumgirl: oh coool, i just finished workin out i am actuaIIy about to get to woork doin these shows wanna cuum seee?
[20:20:14] Me: Sometimes I like to pick up hookers.  Sometimes I have those hookers help me dispose of other hookers.
[20:20:44] beachbumgirl: i am bout to get on my cam ive been doing these while i am in school annd i thinkk i stiIl have a free invite Ieft hoIdd on iIl see
[20:21:07] Me: Are you even listening to what I'm saying?
[20:21:25] beachbumgirl: sweett!!! it's stiIl good i just need you to give me a good rating so i can get more but i'Il earn it
[20:21:34] Me:
[20:21:42] Me: I rate you -2 out of a possible 10
[20:21:50] Me: For being a shitty bot as well as a shitty accomplice.
[20:22:01] beachbumgirl: ok my caam is setup through a chaat network to keep away these irritating lil aim trolls so don't worry if ya don't have a camm or it don't work ok???
[20:22:06] beachbumgirl: no im not a bot are you?
[20:22:31] Me: Oh fuck
[20:22:34] Me: You know my secret!
[20:22:47] Me: You lousy inquisitive humans!
[20:22:53] Me: ARRGH!  DESTROY!  DESTROY!
[20:22:57] Me: *shoots lasers at you*
[20:23:25] beachbumgirl: ok hunny this is going to be just u and me you just go to (Link: referer.us/9/sexybella)referer.us/9/sexybella and make sure you accept the invite on the side there ok???
[20:23:50] Me: ZAP ZAP KABOOM
[20:24:01] Me: (you are dead)

I'm 20 years old today.  That's as many as 2 10s.
And that's terrible.

Cleaning my room.
Working on old cosplay pieces.
Procrastinating.
Eating meat.
Not sleeping well.
Disliking things.
Hallucinating.
Getting sweet new music from Beya-chan.
Making a pointed effort to not smoke from now until the 20th.

Way back in 2002, I was a wee lad who had just realised that there was a whole new fun world of multiplayer video games on the internet.  Some of them were expensive, and I didn't want to pay $12 every month to click tiny little Ragnarok sprites around while Koreans yelled at me.

At some point while a friend of mine and I were sifting through hundreds of free MMO websites (it was a very new, very big thing at the time), I stumbled across one called Risk Your Life.
It looked pretty cool, since it had early PS2 style graphics, so we both forged enough Malaysian-sounding information to apply for (and be accepted into) alpha testing.

We wound up playing that game for fucking years.  We were there through pay changes (a brief stint as a p2p game eventually choked off its user base so badly that it wouldn't survive), slight (nonexistent) graphic upgrades, and a community that spoke in a lurid haze of mostly profanity and Japanese emoticons.

As I said, when they tried to make people pay for the game, they were left with very few users.  A combination of time, lack of funds, and neglect eventually closed it for good.  And now, in the present, there are two incarnations left-- RYL 2 (a sequel that actually did away with a lot of the game's flaws, but is going the same way) and RYL Underground, a private server that strives to keep the past alive, but with half the grinding.

Allow me to take you through the experience of playing RYLU.

You create an account and load the launcher.  Shitty music plays while the thing patches.  This will take you a couple of hours, despite the game being about 750MB in size.  You will want to turn the music off and wank until it's finished.
You click the server (the original RYL had two, but RYLU has only one) and the game loads.
Immediately, it shitifies* your resolution.  You log in, and it asks you to choose a race.  You can pick from the ass-faced humans and the mostly brownish grey akkan.  Let's say we pick Akkan.
(And I hope you like those fuckers, because if you want to play more than one race on a single server, you will need more than one account.)
So you're taken to the character creation screen.  You have three slots, and in each you can customise your character.  None of the changes you'll make to the face or hair make a shitlick of difference, as it will all be covered in the same armour anyway.  You assign your first five stat points based on whether you are male (and thus, a burly fighter-type Combatant) or female (and thus, a large-hipped but androgynous Officiator).

Then you're thrown out into the poorly-rendered game.  There are a couple brownish-grey quests you can take, but it's nothing you should bother with.  First what you do is run towards the shore.  Hit a thing by holding down the left mouse button until it dies.
You have leveled up.  You may assign your bonus points to stats, or wait until you choose a class.
Rinse and repeat another eight times.  You are now level ten!
Go to the Officiator trainer.
Upgrade to a class-- in this case, let's pick Shadow Officiator, the katar-wielding damage dealer.
You now put all of the bonus points you saved up into DEX and buy some skills.  You learn as many of the skills as possible.
You run out of town and punch more things.  You gain a level for each thing you kill, because the EXP rate of RYLU is 500X.
When you are level twenty, about, and have barely left the first area, you begin to consider buying some new armour or weapons.  So you run back to town, learn another rank of skills, and spend a lot of money upgrading anything.  Then you buy a portal to a town where monsters will supposedly be about your level.
You will immediately earn armour and weapons that far outshine the ones you spent all that money getting.
At that point, you think about heading to the second map.  You head to the first town and take the portal to the second map.
By this time, leveling has become much more difficult.  At first, one or two monsters will boost you up, but by the time you hit level 50 or 60 (about twenty minutes), it will take six or even seven.
Sometime during your killing spree through the second map, you will find yourself at a volcano temple.  There, your class trainer will give you a quest in exchange for a lot of high-level (and rare) skills.  You spend the next few hours killing 100 of the same fucking thing over and over. By the time you are finished, you are now a high enough level to proceed to the third map.  You turn in the quest, use as many of the skill books as possible, and take the portal.

Upon arrival in the third map, you will find that your castle (Wirtz Keep) is under attack.  "Fuck, I didn't want to PvP!"
Too bad.  The third map is all PvP, all the time.
You think to yourself-- "Well, maybe it won't be so bad.  I mean, I'm kind of a low level, but I'm sure I'm not that hard to kill.  Look how easily I went through the first two maps!"
Well, not only are you wrong, but you're stupid.  And ugly.
Every person in this game aside from you is level 125, and they are all using cheat clients, and your young, nubile, level 70 ass is like a giant sign saying "free medals to anyone who stabs me!"

So you wait until the invasion has been fought back enough to respawn without dying and make your getaway.  You run over and attack the first monster you see.  You level up immediately.  "Ah," you think, "this is more like the RYLU I know."
You do this until it stops rewarding you as quickly, at which point you move up to the next highest rank of monsters.
They beat the everliving shit out of you.  So you sit in the castle and spam /c lfp lvl 80+++ pm pls 1/10 until enough people of your level join so you can destroy some bigger monsters and get better loot.
Your little group is immediately demolished by the first level 125 wizard to throw an ice spell at you.  Good going.
Undeterred by this glitch (and motivated by the 750x party exp rate), you will grind your asses off until you are all level 95-100.  This will take several hours on this server, where on the original it would have taken several months.
You feel pretty good about yourself until another level capped asshole comes up behind you and kills you with one hit, sending you aaaaaall the way back to the first castle of the map.
At this point, you say "fuck this nonsense" and go back to playing World of Warcraft or Guild Wars or anything that is less likely to both frustrate and bore you at the same time.